omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
