i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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