So drunk its hurt
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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