she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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