bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
