Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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