can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
