sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
