I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
