i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
bring money and cleavage
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
