She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
