you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
