you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
