hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
