I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
