We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
