I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
