the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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