I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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