420 ftw
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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