I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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