if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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