Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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