i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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