I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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