She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
