Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
