he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
