Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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