once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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