you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
