So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
