my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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