Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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