OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
They are going to name an STD after you.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
