Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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