It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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