Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
