The maid of honor just puked.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
