It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
