he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize