well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
