Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
