i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
