I wish my penis had an off switch
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
