I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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