the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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