Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
