Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
