I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
