i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
