i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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