I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
