and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
