I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
