They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
