she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She even gives head with a lisp.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
