dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
