Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
