you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
