you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
