i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
