We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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