he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
