Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
